下面一例選自舒啟全批評張振玉所譯林語堂先生英文小說《Moment in Peking》:
"原著內(nèi)容之豐富,確實堪稱近、現(xiàn)代中國的百科全書。貫穿全書內(nèi)容的作者對民主、改革、愛國的思想在蒙上一層莊子哲學(xué)的神秘、夢幻,命運(yùn)論的色彩。這就要求譯者不僅應(yīng)是"近代中國通",而且還應(yīng)是"古代中國通"。不但要能對現(xiàn)代漢語和白話文運(yùn)用自如而且還要能精通活用古代漢語和文言文。張教授譯林博士的這部宏篇巨著,確實"門當(dāng)戶對",不僅譯文忠實地再現(xiàn)了原著的思想內(nèi)容,而且譯得色調(diào)鮮明,形象入微,活靈活現(xiàn),傳神入化。在下略舉幾例,管中窺豹,可見一斑。
The ignorant old woman who ruled for the entire last half of the nineteenth century did more than any other single person to hold back China's progress. Without her the progressive Emperor Kuanghsu would certainly have gone on with his reforms. To the end, the Emperor, like an eagle deprived of its wings, remained submissive to his aunt. Ignorance added to a strong character was a double curse; stupidity joining hands with stubbornness was twice stupid.
那個愚蠢無知的老太婆統(tǒng)治了十九世紀(jì)的后五十年,使中國不能進(jìn)步,她可算功勞第一。若沒有她,銳意求進(jìn)的光緒皇帝,一定會進(jìn)行他的維新大計。光緒皇帝,象個剪去翅膀的蒼鷹,一直對他這位大權(quán)在握的了老伯母必恭必敬,百依百順。愚而妄,其為禍害則加倍的強(qiáng)烈。愚蠢再與剛愎攜手,則愚蠢倍增。
ignorant修飾慈禧太后,譯成"愚蠢無知",progressive修飾光緒皇帝,譯成'銳意求進(jìn)',reforms譯成'維新大計',真是達(dá)意移情! did more than any other single person to hold back China's progress譯成'使中國不能進(jìn)步,她可算功勞第一',再現(xiàn)了原著幽默的風(fēng)格。 ignorance added to a strong character譯成'愚而妄',was double curse譯成'其為禍害則加倍的強(qiáng)烈',stupidity joining hands with stubbornness譯成'愚蠢再與剛愎攜手',was twice stupid譯成'則愚蠢倍增',不僅言簡意賅,而且句式對仗,讀起來上口,聽起來入耳,增強(qiáng)了譯作的感染力?quot;(舒啟全:"貌合似合 惟妙惟肖-評張振玉譯《京華風(fēng)云》",《中國翻譯》,1(世博英文翻譯公司)989年第2期)
毋庸置疑,舒啟全所遵循的翻譯批評原則是"以作者和讀者為取向的翻譯原則",即譯作必須在思想內(nèi)容和文體風(fēng)格上忠實于原文,在表達(dá)上明白曉暢,符合譯入語的語法和習(xí)慣表達(dá)方式。在這一原則的指導(dǎo)下,舒啟全通過分析典型實例來批評張振玉的譯文,所給評價全是正面的。這種批評無疑是為欣賞而作的翻譯批評,意在立為范文,為翻譯界同行或初學(xué)者視為楷模而學(xué)之。
以下一例選自王應(yīng)云對武光建所譯英國著名作家Goldsmith的小說"The Story of Vicar"的批評:
If the cakes at tea ate short and crisp, they were made by Olivia; if the gooseberry wine was well knit, the gooseberries were of her hathering; it was her fingers which gave the pickles their peculiar green; and in composition of pudding it was her judgment that mixed the ingredients.
例如進(jìn)茶點的時候,點心又酥又脆,他就說是奧維雅作的,果子酒味好,說是奧維雅親手摘的果子,酸果顏色鮮綠,那是奧維雅手段好,甜糕制得好,是奧維雅把材料配合得好。
這兩個長句開始連用了兩個"if"從句,接著用了兩個強(qiáng)調(diào)句,翻譯時譯者并不如法炮制,而是通過一'改'一'加', 把另外兩個句子都改成條件句來譯,再分別加上'就說'、'說是'、'那是'及'是'就將原句譯得活活潑潑,威太太數(shù)數(shù)落落千方百計夸獎閨女討好百且爾鄉(xiāng)紳的情景便如見其人,如聞其聲了。"(王應(yīng)云:"文境清真 句饒神韻-評《威克菲牧師傳》中譯本的藝術(shù)風(fēng)格和語言特色"《中國翻譯》1(世博英文翻譯公司)989年第4期)
這例翻譯批評所遵循的是以美學(xué)為取向的翻譯原則。批評者王應(yīng)云將更多的注意力放在《威克菲牧師傳》中譯本的藝術(shù)風(fēng)格和語言特色上。通過對這一實例的細(xì)致分析,以贊賞性的語言充分肯定了中譯本的成功之處。其意同樣是在昭示翻譯界同行或初學(xué)者應(yīng)該學(xué)習(xí)這種譯文。
翻譯批評的方法和步驟
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